Understanding our Stress Responses

Stress, whether it’s social, emotional, cognitive, internal, external, systemic, or environmental, can hijack our ability to focus on what matters. In a world where the pace only seems to quicken—from endless emails to personal commitments—it’s crucial to understand our stress response and why we react in such ways so we can learn to respond effectively. Even better is to learn from our stressful experiences and grow our personal resilience muscle to deal with it better next time. Building resilience is dealing with stressors effectively and having the strategies and the skills to respond when pressures and demands disrupt us. It will never get fun but there are things we can do to learn how to deal with our stressful lives better over time.

The first step is to understand how our stress response is triggered and learn what our personal signals are when this happens.

The Science of Our Stress Response

Our brains, deemed the most sophisticated of the animal species, are still quite simple. Still today, the most dominant function of our brains is to feel SAFE. And when not, it will override all our cleverness, doing anything to get us to safety. To achieve this, our brain is on a very subconscious level, constantly processing information within ourselves and our surroundings to check for signs of danger. And if it feels unsafe, boom—off we go, and the stress response is activated.

At its core, our stress response can be traced back to a simple but powerful mechanism:

The 3 Safety questions:

To check for signs of danger, our brain asks three fundamental questions:

1. Am I physically safe? — From immediate threats like a speeding car or a fire alarm to subtle cues like our blood sugar running low.
2. Am I emotionally safe? — Do I feel valued, included, and respected by those around me? Can I belong here, and do they like me?
3. Am I mentally safe? — Can I effectively contribute, and do I feel in control of my circumstances?

In the workplace and at home, these questions manifest in various ways. Emotional safety at work might depend on a supportive team and a respectful manager, while mental safety often hinges on clear roles and reasonable demands (read more about Sources of Workplace Stress). At home, these questions persist but change forms. Emotional safety could involve supportive and warm family relationships and having friends you can count on, while mental safety may relate to managing family and household duties without feeling overwhelmed. Physical safety includes getting enough sleep, maintaining stable blood sugar levels, and being in a calming environment. If you’re an introvert or a person with Autism, an environment with too much noise or stimuli might be overwhelming and overstimulating your system.

Your Brain in Survival Mode

And guess what—we are all different, and our stress responses are too. Some respond to certain stressors while others seem unaffected. The way our minds process the stimuli has a massive impact on our response. And every mind processes the internal and external stimuli differently, often based on previous experiences, our genetic makeup, and learnings from the past.

If your mind determines the situation is unsafe it will shift gear to survival and your system will either become hyper-activated to fight or flee the situation, or it will completely shut down and freeze. Our brain in survival has one desire, to feel good now. This drives interesting behaviours; we get anxious, avoid effort and discomfort, and seek rewards by, for example, scrolling on our phones for the news, a shot of dopamine with the next like, or buying something that makes us feel good.

Understand Your Stressors and Know Your Own Signals

Understanding our brain’s approach to evaluating safety can empower us to manage stress more effectively. With this understanding, the first step to building resilience is recognising when you’ve switched to survival mode. To recognise this, DO NOT TRUST YOUR BRAIN, as your brain is not rational while in survival. Remember, it tries to make you safe and will use any option available. Instead, listen to and pay attention to your mental, behavioural, physical, and emotional signals.

Want to know your signals? Download the full checklist.

written by Yvon Golbach, Founder, Zest for Work

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